Life changes can be scary

You all know that I’m retired, but still working.  I think I’ve probably griped about my job enough to let you all realize that I really don’t like what I do.  I used to, because I take what I do seriously and do my best to do it well.  There may come a time in life for some (like me) who suddenly realize that I care too much, and those whom I serve don’t care at all.  The final straw came yesterday, when the yearly announcement on retirees and the invitation to the reception in honor of said retirees was sent out.  I was not on the list.  After 31.5 years of service to the UO, it was not even acknowledged that I worked there.  I knew I wasn’t going to go to the reception — I dislike such dog and pony shows — but it would have been nice for them to just say, “atta girl, Linda. . .you hung in here for 31 years and even though you don’t want to come to the reception, we’d just like to say thanks for those 31.5 years.”  NOPE.  When I contacted the Human Resources office to inquire about their oversight, the woman laughed at me (much as my boss did when he told me everyone but me would be getting a raise, because I retired a month too early).  She then emailed me later to explain that she had run her report in May and I wasn’t on it.  If I wanted, she could go ahead and put my name on there, but it was highly irregular.  This just sent me over the edge.  I was so hurt and angry.  BUT, I decided that I would just go upstairs and finish quilting the two quilts I had loaded on the machine (yep, doing them two at a time now ;p).  By the time I was finished with the quilts I decided that her response was unacceptable.  In my career at the UO, when someone calls and tells me they’ve noticed something is wrong, I find out why and try to fix it.  So I emailed the woman and told her I thought she should re-check the parameters of her report.  Well, it turns out her report was flawed.  (I knew that!).  There were 9 more people added to the retirement list today.

BFD, right?  Well, on top of all the other things happening at the office lately, it was more than I could bear.  I took this morning off because I 1) had an errand to run. . .going to the post office to return the two quilts to Moda Fabrics. . . and 2) I had a physical therapy appointment, and 3) because I actually wanted some time to sit down and think about whether I wanted to subject myself to returning to work at all.  Of course, the answer was that no, I really don’t want to go back to work, but I have to.  You see, I decided to take the bull by the horns a bit earlier in the week, and I ordered myself something I have wanted for ages.  I ordered an IQ.  Now, most of you are thinking . . . what, she ordered more RAM for her addled aging brain?  Ah, how I wish that were possible.  But, it’s almost the same thing.  I ordered an Intelliquilter, a rather expensive addition to my longarm quilting machine.  It will, I believe, allow me to grow my business and save a lot of wear and tear on my body.

There comes a time in life where you realize you have to let go of your safety net.  You have to let go of something you hate so much but to which you cling because life will be dangerous without it.  You have to create your own reality, show your own strength (or idiocy) and just go for it.  I will work hard, but I will be working at something I love.  I will stay at the UO as long as I can stand it, but perhaps cut back my hours to reduce the stress.  I’ll need that money to pay for the Intelliquilter.  So.  Here I go, I see the prize at the end of the tunnel.  I’ll keep my eyes focused on it.  Something in my heart tells me I am doing the right thing.