A Return to the Land of the Living

Well, my surgery was a great success! No complications. The surgeon and his assistant did a great job and were very attentive to my care. Since OHSU is a teaching/research hospital, I had a constant stream of visitors taking my pulse, blood pressure, oxygen saturation, blood sugar, temperature, checking my wounds, checking for bed sores, etc. I have never felt so cared for in my life, EXCEPT ๐Ÿ˜ฎ It was a bit difficult to get the nurses to listen to me. You would have thought they believed I was on drugs or something! ๐Ÿ˜‰ I noticed right away, when I was put into my room (don’t let them put you in bed 52 (2) on the 14th floor — no window, dismal, dark, cell-like), that there was something very odd indeed about my bed. It seemed to be breathing. I couldn’t make the nurse understand — she’d just look cross and say, “yes, I know, hospital beds are odd.” Well, by Wednesday morning, I had removed myself from the bed to the chair and refused to get back in the bed until they took the f&%#ing thing out of there (my language had gotten a bit colorful, as no one would listen). Finally, my CNA, Lupita (God bless her!) noticed what I was talking about. The bed kept inflating and deflating. They had to get a mechanical engineer to come over. He determined that they had put me in an ICU bed for people who are comatose — the constant movement of the bed is designed to prevent bed sores. Well, if you happen to have a ruptured disc, along with a couple of herniated ones, it can cause quite a bit of agony. I sighed and eased into my new regular hospital bed. Then they brought my breakfast. Chicken broth, grape juice, sugar free jello. I managed a couple of spoonfuls of broth, about half the grape juice, and maybe a teaspoon of jello (well-chewed). As the morning wore on, I developed a mother of a headache, which I was sure I could blame on my roommate’s daughter-in-law who insisted on bringing her baby to visit my roommate. Good golly Missy Molly, that kid had a set of lungs. Isn’t there a rule about bawling babies in hospital rooms? At least I was now free to motor the halls by myself, so I took off with my IV pole as often as possible to avoid the noise. However, the headache kept getting worse. Lunch came, more of the same delightful stuff. I thought my head would explode. My eyes developed huge red bloodshot stripes from the top of my iris way back into my head. I begged for eyedrops, but they had none. Someone on my roommate’s side of the curtain bumped my tray, and lunch ended up in my lap. They brought me a clean gown to change into, but it had no ties. Boy, this is getting good, no? I keep walking. Dinner comes and this time it’s beef broth, apple juice, and jello. The broth is just awful. My head is splitting. My eyeballs are like sandpaper. A light dawns in my head. Ring for nurse. “Ahem, does this broth by any chance contain soy protein?” She says, looking down at the band on her arm that says “Allergies – Morphine, Demerol, Versed, Soy” The nurse goes and gets the box — yep! Soy protein. Well, that would explain the headache, the sandpaper eyes, and the hives now springing up all over my body. Oh — by the way. I looks like this IV is coming out. Oh no, it will be fine. She comes back with the IV Benadryl to relieve my allergy agony. Two minutes after she leaves the room, my IV springs a leak of blood and lactated ringers. On it’s way out, it leaves enough fluid in my hand to insure that I can catch a fastball without the worry of breaking bones. I now have a paw! Thursday morning dawns and I get skim milk (thank God I can read the carton), custard (are we sure there is no soy in this?), and juice. All goes down well, and they declare I am fit to go home. Thank God! I was beginning to believe they were out to kill me. ๐Ÿ˜‰

So, I arrived home on Thursday afternoon. I feel very well, just tired. I’m managing to get my protein drinks and water in. Who knew I would fill up on one childrens’ chewable vitamin? I managed to walk enough of the gas they pump you full of out of me so I can actually sleep in my own bed instead of the recliner. My kitty Vince is so happy to have his mom home. He spends the night making biscuits of the blankies while he lies next to me and I scratch his ears. Does life get any better than this? ๐Ÿ˜€

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19 thoughts on “A Return to the Land of the Living

  1. Linda, you should be a writer! Loved the description of your hospital stay….although I’m sure it wasn’t funny to you at the time. Glad you’re home where we can hear from you.

  2. Ah Linda, it is so very good to have you ‘back’. Missed you a lot while you were in the hospital and it is great news that you are doing well!

  3. A live bed & poison beef broth, OY, glad you made it outta there alive!

    Also relieved your surgery went without a hitch, my SILs came with all kinds of scary complications (she’s fine now tho). Naturally I wasn’t going mention that before! Again, take it easy, heal quick & keep bloggin’.

    Jorja

  4. Linda,
    I’m so glad you made it home in one piece. It’s so good to hear that you’re feeling well. Take care of yourself.

  5. So glad that they did not take your sense of humor, those hospitals and the nurses sometimes I wonder, I’ve been in them to much in the past few years and know all too well…… Let me know when you are ready for those size 6 clothes, I have a closet full that shrunk in the closet on me (lol)……. Glad you are up and running, hang in there. Hugs

  6. Oh, my! Hospitals are dangerous to one’s health it seems! Glad you are outa there and on the mend! And don’t forget to take all the money you are now saving on food, and spend it on fabric and thread!!

  7. You have jsut described the reason that I and TERRIFIED of hospitals! glad the surgery went well and that you survived the hospital stay. My friend that had the same surgery about 6 weeks ago is doing fantastic so I know you will too.

  8. Oh Linda! You are too funny. I actually think that there is a consipiracy between the hospital and the insurance company to make sure you don’t get too comfortable and want to stay a while. Glad you’re home and on the mend.

  9. Glad to hear you made it through your hospital stay with your sense of humor intacked!!! Take care of yourself.

    Always,
    Irene (aka “reenie beanie”)

  10. I was thrilled to find your blog on Gayles blog! So glad you made it through ok. I will be checking in on you.

    Nancy Hughson

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